Somehow, I have allowed another Polish girl to drive me to impure thoughts. It isn't the 20-year old who has asked around to see if I was married. She smokes, and is way too young (and trampy) for my tastes. No, it's the other one, more my age, the one who is in her second stint in America, and her second stint working with me. The first time she was here, she was sort of frumpy, and confused, and the typical American lifestyle that she led while here made her pack on some pounds, making her both frumpy and pudgy.
When she returned, though, she had left her frumpiness and pudginess in Poland, and she now looks svelte and healthy. Besides waiting tables with me, she's a lifeguard at an inner harbor hotel, and the yoga she takes for free while there is doing her well. We're friends. While we're working together, we joke and laugh and I think about what the small of her back would feel like if we were dancing.
Of course, she has a boyfriend. A Latino guy, and I think that's her type, as it's her third caballero in a row. Oh well.
A Poem For Wednesday
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“Will You Walk a Little Faster” by Lewis Carroll (1865): “Will you walk a
little faster?” said a whiting to a snail, “There’s a porpoise close behind
us, a...
15 minutes ago
11 comments:
Wow, with the way you talk about women I can't imagine why you don't have a girlfriend. Trampy? And coming from someone who has struggled with weight himself the comments about weight are particularly hypocritical.
Yes, first time I've ever been offended by something you've written. What exactly do you mean by "trampy"? And what's the corresponding word for a guy?
I find it hard to believe you're a teacher...at least a good one! Does it ever cross your mind that "your" influential students will be reading this?
Wow, with the way you talk about women I can't imagine why you don't have a girlfriend. Trampy? And coming from someone who has struggled with weight himself the comments about weight are particularly hypocritical.
Actually, I think my weight issues make me much more in tune with others' weight issues than most people. It doesn't make me hypocritical at all. I don't like myself when I'm of an unhealthy weight, and I don't find it attractive in others. How in the world is that hypocritical?
Yes, first time I've ever been offended by something you've written. What exactly do you mean by "trampy"? And what's the corresponding word for a guy?
Why are you offended? "Trampy" means to sleep around with a lot of guys, which is what this girl does. Corresponding word for a guy might be "whore" or "player," as in "game player," but that word doesn't concern me as much because, well, I'm not going to be asking them out on a date.
I find it hard to believe you're a teacher...at least a good one! Does it ever cross your mind that "your" influential students will be reading this?
I would hope that my students do not read this. This is an anonymous personal blog. If I ever got wind that any of my students had found it, I'd probably censor myself, but I hope that never happens...
And just an overall statement about this entry: longtime readers of this blog will probably not be surprised by this one. I don't really think the way I've written about women here is offensive, but perhaps those offended could shed light. I consider myself a feminist, and a total advocate of women's rights. Expressing attraction - particularly in ways that I think are tasteful - and saying that I don't want to date anyone who is too "trampy" don't seem to cross any sort of line, or, for that matter, the line that I know my female friends have.
Interesting...I'm not offended. You seem to be candidly describing what you find attractive and unattractive.
The concept of "actions speak louder than words" should come into play during this discussion. I've known Epiphany for quite a while and he is very respectful toward women in his actions....which is much better than a man who measure his words carefully but is sexist in his actions.
I think Epiphy is guilty of poor word choice in this instance....calling someone 'trampy' because she chooses to be promiscuous is unfair because its a buzz word that exists just to insult women. Also, women (and men) should not be judged by the frequency in which they engage in sex but rather whether or not they treat their partners with respect...meaning, a monogamous woman who uses sex as a weapon against her partner is just as wrong as a woman who neglects to tell a new sex partner that she has multiple partners. Let's not forget that sex, engaged in fairly and for the right reasons, is nothing to be ashamed of....unfortunately many men AND women still chose to portray and talk about sex as though people should be ashamed of it. That's why we have words like tramp, whore, and slut.
I think if Epiphany had traded up the word "trampy" for "promiscuous" or even "not monogamous", he might be on better footing. Epiphany, whose diary indicates he is seeking a monogamous relationship, has the right to look for women who exhibit the same desire for monogamy. Again, actions do speak louder than words....
Thank you anon. You explained well why some of us were offended by "trampy" even though we know Epiph is a good guy. Yes, tramp, whore, slut and c.nt create immediate offense, like being called "you people" or the N word.
"Trampy" to c*nt to the n-word seems a huge leap, even a little bit of an offensive one. Maybe anon #5 is right, that I should have chosen a different word than "trampy." "Promiscuous" would have been better. But, really, it wouldn't have fit as well. "Trampy" has a light, comedic tone that I think fits a lot better in this entry, which - let's face it - is about a 30-year old complaining that a 20-year old girl is interested in him and is a little loose. (Oops, is that another offensive word?)
I really don't think it's that bad of a word. And it's not that I'm judging her. I just am not attracted - at this stage in my life - to a girl who sleeps around with a lot of guys. I mean, that's fine that she does that, but I'm not going to pursue a relationship with her.
That people are comparing the use of the word "trampy" with c*nt and n-word - two words I can't even type - seems really over the top, though. I would put "trampy" at a much lighter level than those words, plus a lot lower than other words that I could have chosen ("whorish", "slutty"). I chose "trampy" because it was light. I'd even argue that "promiscuous" - because of its overuse as a euphemism for "slutty" - could even be a more demeaning word. "Trampy" sort of has a fun connotation to it.
Ah, a diction lesson.
Still don't understand some of the other earlier anons, though. Weight comment hypocritical? Huh?
"Trampy" has a light, comedic tone
Actually, Epiphany, I think this is the problem. For a lot of women, that word doesn't have any sort of light tone and can be very offensive. For a lot of us, there's no difference at all between the word 'tramp' and the word 'whore' - at least in how it would make us feel to be called that. It might be comedic to you to call someone else that, but if you were a woman and had that term directed at you, no matter what kind of truth might lie behind it, I doubt that you'd find it such a big leap to those other offensive words. I do think it's just a difference of opinion in the connotations of the word, and I'm sure that anyone who knows you knows that you didn't intend to be offensive, but perhaps this will mean that you'll reconsider your use of the word in the future, now that you know how it can come across. Just because you aren't aware of how your word choice can make someone feel doesn't mean that they won't feel that way. Part of being an advocate for women's rights is understanding how women feel and being prepared to accept that, whether or not you agree with the vehemence of their opinions.
As for the weight comments being hypocritical, well. You've said yourself how easy it can be to fall back into bad habits and to be above your goal weight. You're even saying that you're there yourself right now. So it just seems a bit judgemental to make a comment about this girl being 'pudgy' without knowing what was going on in her life at the time. That's all.
It's so easy to offend and to take offense. But I think it's good that you've opened up a conversation here. Isn't life all about learning from those around you? I'm glad you don't censor yourself in this blog. I don't think your writing would be nearly as powerful if you did.
Oh, and Happy Birthday. :)
Geez, if a girl is trampy then she's trampy! I rather be called a tramp than a whore ;)
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